and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
