Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize