just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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