dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
