he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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