I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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