I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
