Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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