Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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