Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
