I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
My pussy is not your playground.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize