when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
