good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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