You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
