She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
