garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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