Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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