WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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