Non-Jews are for practice
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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