Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
