So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
soo... how was my night?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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