just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
