Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
