I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
