I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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