Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
No more Irish car bombs ever.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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