Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
