I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
