I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize