i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
