4 words: hood of his car
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
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