my soul wont recognize me after tonight
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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