Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
only if we run a train.
done.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
