Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
