Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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