Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
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