well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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