the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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