I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
