Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
