the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
3 2 1 whiskey
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
