I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
