You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
