So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
