if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
this just has baby written all over it
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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