I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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