Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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