My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
