I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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