I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Randomize