from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
