he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
