I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
