my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
