She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
