She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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