Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
