So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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