Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
