I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
