it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
