apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
