Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
