hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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