so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
