I want to have your abortion
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
