grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
