im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize