i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
