Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
