I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
