Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
