you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize
