i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
