actually, I'm a sock model
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
