why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
