dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
