I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
