This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
