I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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