So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
