I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
