Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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