I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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