Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
