just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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